Dang you Bill Clinton!

One time in fourth grade my elementary school took a mock vote of the 1996 presidential election. At the end of the day the results were announced over the intercom. Astonishingly, everybody in the entire school voted for Bob Dole with the exception of one girl who voted for Bill Clinton. Ironically, this girl happen to have an anger problem and it just so happen that she was sitting next to me. When this girl heard the results she got all pissed off and decided to stab me with her freshly sharpened pencil! Fortunately for her, it hurt really bad so I didn't get a chance to punch her right in the face. To this day the lead is still visible inside my hand where she stabbed me. I have hated Bill Clinton ever since.

Don't be an idiot!

I am pretty sure that when I was in eighth grade me and my buddy Matt were the dumbest band geeks on the entire earth. One day Matt and I were goofing off in the band hall after school and we got this brilliant idea to see if one of us could fit inside a tuba case. So of course I climbed in. Once I was inside the tuba case Matt got this bone-headed idea to latch the hinges just to make sure the case fully closed. After a couple of seconds of being inside the tuba case, I decided that I was fully satisfied with the experiment and tapped on the roof letting Matt know to let me out. I began to hear Matt fumbling with the latch and after awhile he exclaimed that it was jammed and he couldn't get it unstuck. Now I am starting to freak out a little bit as my claustrophobia sets in, and I begin to get really uneasy by squirming and pleading with Matt to get the case open. After awhile I am crying uncontrollably because my eighth grade rationale tells me that I am going to suffocate and die in a tuba case. I keep yelling for Matt to get it open but he wasn't even there anymore. By this time I have convinced myself that I was losing oxygen and that Matt had abandoned me. Luckily he didn't abandoned me and went to get a teacher who ended up freeing me from my casket. I am still very appreciative to this day and learned one valuable lesson from this experience...Don't be an idiot!

Hey look what I found!

One time when I was about 15 months old I became extremely bored with my life in a cage, or better know as a crib. Me and my twin sister shared a room in the house together and her crib was directly across the room from mine. As I was chillin in my crib I discovered something absolutely amazing! This was the biggest finding since the booger era. It had such a unique texture and just seemed perfect for throwing. I was so ecstatic with this new phenomenon that and decided to divvy up my sharings with sister. I began flinging the goods across the room, effortlessly hitting my target with ease. My parents eventually came into the room and so I decided to include them too. Needless to say they were not very happy with my new game and ended the fun quickly. I guess the old saying is true that, "It's all fun and games until someone gets pooped on".